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Quitegeist Exclusive: Michael McIntyre

December 9, 2010

Quitegeist has been granted an exclusive viewing of the new Michael McIntyre DVD. Below is a full transcript.

(Michael McIntyre walks onto the stage.)

MM: (SHOUTING) Good evening! Thankyou! Good evening! Wow! Thankyou very much… Have you ever noticed microwaves? A microwave is REALLY fast at heating food in comparison to an oven!

Sometimes I have difficulty when I’m driving, possibly because of my gender. Men don’t like to ask for directions!

Its particularly hard to drive when it’s busy or icy. Winters are more icy these days, have you noticed this? They are! I’m not sure they were always that icy.

Another thing about winter is it can be very dark compared to Summer, have you noticed this? Spring and Autumn are the other seasons! Bread! Duvets! Shops!

And having children and a wife is a thing, have you noticed this? Cats also exist and some people have dogs. People walk dogs but not cats!

People have houses, don’t they? But the problem with a house is you have to decorate it! B&Q, wallpaper and Ikea are things you’ll probably relate to!

The thing with DIY is that men think they’re very good at it but often aren’t as good as they believe themselves to be! Television! Washing up! Doors!

The thing about getting older is you also get taller!

When you do the washing do you always lose a sock? Where are they going?!

Have you ever noticed aeroplanes?

Cups of tea! Jeans! Getting a haircut! Going to the supermarket! Oranges are hard to peel, have you noticed this? Were they always this hard to peel? Tables! Gardens! Sand!

Thankyou, you’ve been a great audience, good night.

(The crowd gives a standing ovation. The DVD goes on to sell 9 billion copies.)

3 Comments leave one →
  1. guest permalink
    September 27, 2011 9:22 AM

    is this an interview?

  2. sarah mankellow permalink
    June 19, 2012 8:51 AM

    its a transcript from his DVD!

  3. September 11, 2013 7:54 PM

    Is it a full transcript??

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