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Is it possible to have a conversation with Google?

September 9, 2010

Modern society is over-reliant on Google. Sure, there are huge benefits to having all human knowledge available at the click of a button, but with everything so easily available we’re going to have a whole generation who have never needed to retain any knowledge, and who fly into fits of rage when their iPhone is broken and they develop a sudden urge to know what Little Pete from The Adventures of Pete and Pete looks like now he’s an adult.

Seriously.

What am I saying? I love Google unconditionally. It’s like a digital carer for my entire defective generation and I, for one, appreciate all it does for me. If I could, I would give Google a night off and have it round for a cup of tea, but it would be embarrassing when I asked it if it wanted milk and sugar and it suddenly started trying to show me hardcore porn.

So while dinner with Google is out of the question, it is time we got a bit more friendly with our favourite search engine before it goes all ‘HAL from 2001 Space Odyssey’ on us. Tonight I’ve decided that instead of asking it what Screech from Saved By The Bell looks like now, I’ll instead see what happens when I try to have a nice polite conversation with Google.

QUESTION: IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH GOOGLE?

So I decide to start with something light. I search “Hey how’s it going?” The first page Google gives me is some dude angrily complaining that small talk like the phrase I’ve used is pointless and annoying. Great, even the internet makes me feel socially inept. I’m not sure how to continue the conversation at this point. Google seems to have been a little bit rude and aloof, so I just slip back into our old dynamic and ask it what Screech from Saved By The Bell looks like now.

Yep.

ANSWER: NO. IT’S A FUCKING SEARCH ENGINE.

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