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New Crap: The “Maddening Low-Level Drone” Edition

June 20, 2010

This week the constant aching hum of vuvuzelas has driven everybody in the country into a drooling murderous rage. The streets are filled with discarded flags decorated by St George’s Cross and smeared with beer and the dried blood of the innocent. If you listen closely, through the low level drone you can just about make out the anguished cries of those locked in battle. Luckily the government has spotted the need for action, and the emergency budget is just days away, following which people on low incomes will no longer be able to afford cheap plastic horns, or the DVDs and CDs mentioned below, or for that matter food, but its okay because the rich will still be able to towel themselves off with their diamenté swan pelts after bathing in the plentiful tears of the poor.

New Crap, released on 21st June 2010

Eminem releases his new album Recovery tomorrow, which is a must for those people who like listening to the nasally complaints of a whining millionaire.

Miley Cyrus’ new album Can’t Be Tamed is also released, on which the Disney brat who appeals almost exclusively to pre-adolescent children gets sexy.

Kele from Bloc Party brings out his first solo album Boxer. Well, I say “solo” album, but if the first single is anything to go by then he seems to have made it in collaboration with the drug “cocaine”.

Oh, and Ozzy Osbourne releases something, possibly his bowels, accidentally.

Meanwhile on DVD and Bluray, Disney releases The Princess and the Frog, a sexy re-telling of the classic fairytale in which the Princess, played by Miley Cyrus, dresses in a skimpy leather outfit and teases flashing her vagina to a pre-teen frog.

Also released this week is the DVD Prince in the 80s, only mentioned as an excuse to wish the purple sex-midget a belated 52nd birthday and show the above picture of His Royal Badness being freaky.


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