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New Crap: The “Sunshine and Diet Pills” Edition

April 11, 2010

It’s the middle of April and it’s actually sunny! Get inside quick. Lock all your windows and doors. Close your curtains. The sun causes skin cancer, even if you wear sunscreen. Even if you wear a hat and cover every inch of your skin with thick wool. Those children you can hear running about, laughing and having water fights outside? They’re fucking doomed, and they’d only knife you if you tried to help them anyway. Get online, order some DVDs and CDs, and never ever leave your house again under any circumstances.

New DVDs and CDs released on 12th April 2010, that I haven’t seen or heard

Not only is this a great week for music, it’s a great week for society and for us as a species. Why are you still sitting there reading this when you could be styling your hair into a quiff, throwing on your best suit jacket, getting completely unhuman on coke, and pre-ordering the 2 CD reissues of Rick Astley’s Whenever You Need Somebody and Hold Me In Your Arms? There’s a Tory government coming- hurry up and get yuppy!

When placed next to the man-mountain that is Rick Astley, everything else released this week looks insignificant. Plan B moves away from the hammy chavsploitation of his debut album and goes soul on The Defamation of Strickland Banks. MGMT also release their second album, Congratulations, and after their first album spawned the colossal singles Kids and Time to Pretend, the Brooklyn-based band have decided that writing massive, era-defining anthems is too easy, and that it takes more skill to get mashed and make floaty prog that nobody will like. Scouting For Girls release some bouncy, colourful, happy (irritating) pop music with Everybody Wants To Be On TV. Kate Nash does likewise with her new single Do Wah Doo. Along the same upbeat and cheery lines, Wormrot release their delightfully titled new double album Abuse. Also released this week is Over The Rainbow- The Very Best of Judy Garland, featuring classics such as “Somewhere Over The Rainbow”, “Get Happy”, “Zing! Went The Strings of My Heart!” and the timeless, unforgettable “The Studio Executives Keep Telling Me I’m Overweight (And The Diet Pills They’re Pressuring Me Into Taking Are Going To Lead To A Lifetime Of Drug Addiction)”. They just don’t write ‘em like they used to.

In terms of new DVD releases, it’s a great week for people who like things that aren’t good in any way, as Glee and Alvin and the Chipmunks 2- Squeakquel are released. I was going to write something else here, but the DVD and CD releases this week have been so colourful and sweet that to provide some balance I’m about to go and eat an entire jar of Marmite and stare at a brick for an hour.


2 Comments leave one →
  1. April 14, 2010 9:31 PM

    It’s a sunny day outside and I like your blog.

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